Resolute: Notes from the Editor-in-Chief

October 7, 2014

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Sigrid Ellis was editor-in-chief of Apex Magazine issues 56 through 67.

My heroes have aged as I have.

When I was younger, I wanted heroes who were teenagers, young adults. I wanted heroes who were embarking on life for the first time. I loved protagonists in the midst of their first encounters with evil, with love, with hard choices. I had yet to struggle with those things myself, and I wanted a map. A guide.

I wanted a friend to show me the way forward through dark places.

I’m older now. I have kids; I have two careers; I have a house. More importantly, I have mistakes. I have done things I am not proud of. I have done things I regret. I have failed to do things, and those failures keep me up at night.

These days, I like a hero who understands that. I prefer a protagonist who has screwed everything all to hell, yet inexplicably finds herself still standing.

If you don’t die, well, then, I guess you go on.

We need maps for this road, too.

I feel that fandom — gaming communities, SF/F communities, comics fandoms, all of us — are looking at those harder roads ahead. We’re not callow youths anymore. We’re not knights in shining armor, prepared to die fighting dragons.

We’re older, as communities. We’re not shiny and new anymore. We’re older, but we’re not necessarily getting wiser.

We need to be wiser. We need to grow and change.

We need maps for this road, too.

This issue of Apex features a number of works regarding that next road. The path onward. What happens after you choose the less–traveled–road, after you go further up and further in. This is not what’s on the other side of the looking–glass; this is what happens after you get home and are never the same person again.

These are stories of regret. Stories of hope and commitment to a cause. Stories of enduring. Stories of following through in full knowledge of the cost.

These stories and poems are fiction and don’t contain the answers that solve GamerGate; they don’t explain how to include transpeople in feminist circles; they don’t broker peace between misogynist fans and women. But these stories are, by nature of their existence, proof that the world is wider than the worst of us would have it be.

There are other roads to the future.

There are other maps to traverse these days.

We’ll find them together.

Sigrid Ellis

© Sigrid Ellis

1 Comment

  1. Lydia Nolan

    I stumbled across your magazine (amazing how much is out there of which we are unaware), and after reading your introduction as Editor-in-Chief, I was moved–yes, moved.

    I have gone through the same journey, but I am already where you are heading, and I think I can help with those “stories of wisdom” to which you allude.

    I have a “map” for you. I wrote it when I was in my 30s, and though the theme is still the same, the story has changed somewhat becaue I have surpassed that frame of mind I had back then. I won first place for this story in the category of science fiction, at a Writer’s Day Conference and it was in a journal. I would like to send it to you as soon as I read your submission requirements, but your letter was what moved me, and so AFTER I RE-edit it, I would like to send it to you. I may be unconventional sending you this letter first, forgive me, but I just HAD to respond to your beautiful introductory prose about this month’s magazine (I will have to read some as well). Hope to write you again, soon.

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