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I wrote this story at a time when I wanted to be broken. It’s hard to explain that feeling, but I hope the story captures it. A beta reader asked–“why would anyone want to be broken?” The answer? I don’t have a clue. It’s just how I felt when I wrote this story. I could probably delve deeply into my subconscious and find an answer. Maybe it has something to do with feeling something–even pain–instead of nothing. Or maybe not. Maybe it doesn’t matter why.
This story is very much about when you want something that you know is bad for you, but that knowledge makes no difference. You want it more, maybe, for knowing it will hurt you, break you, devastate you.
Times like those, situations like that–it feels almost as if the element of choice is removed. It feels as if you are under the pull of something stronger than yourself. That’s what I wanted to capture.
Because people do have a pull. (Aliens, one would think, might have an even stronger pull.)
Some people are magnetic. You can’t seem to escape the tug of their gravity. You get stuck in orbit. And it’s elliptical too–you’ll reach the farthest edge of that ring and think you’re about to break free, only to have them pull you right back in close.
As tragic as this story can be, I also view it as having sort of a ‘happy’ ending–in that the one this woman wants to orbit also wants to orbit her. It is not an unfeeling person, unwittingly pulling her into this tormenting cycle, but a caring entity trapped by her as much as she is trapped by it.
So in the end, they are both of them broken. And I like to think they’ll find each other, somehow, eventually, in the vast pin-pricked black of space.
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